Substance

Ok. Time for a post with a little substance. The substance just happens to be my own “fears” if you will…

Lately, I’ve been what you might call a bit of an insomniac. If you don’t remember me saying that, you should check back in the posts to just a few days ago… In any case, I think I’ve drawn the conclusion that my insomnia is tied directly to the major events happening in my life. Major events you ask? You betcha I say.

Most everyone I know knows this already but it bears repeating for anyone who didn’t know: FMD and I are planning on moving out of Madison at the end of June and relocating to the greater Marshfield area. There I said it. Now that I’ve said it, I have to admit it scares the shit out of me… I guess it always has come to think of it. Most everyone knows that Marshfield is not an information technology epicenter. Most everyone knows that I work in an information technology field. Heck, the job I have right now is about the ideal IT job for me and I really enjoy it! I’m really worried, worried to the point I can’t sleep (I’ve concluded and upon concluding, I decided to write this post), that I won’t be able to find a job, or one that I won’t be happy with. I’ve always joked about the fact that I’m going to get hired on and manage the Fleet Farm in town, but really, I don’t think I’d be able to do it (I could if I HAD to but…). Really though, the concrete floors would kill my knees!

I’m a man and deep down inside me, there is this urge and need to provide for myself and my family. I have one of those now you know… Well, I’ve always had a family, but not one with my wife and a mortgage that is inevitable and who knows, maybe even some kids or a whole shit ton of basset hounds! FMD is going to have a great career and probably will be the bread winner of the family. I’m ok with that as long as she still lets me wear my pants around the house I guess… But still. I don’t like the feeling of it… Its just weird I guess. I’m not good on depending on others for my well being. I need to let go and accept the fact that I may not have my ideal career in Marshfield. On the other hand, I may just find the best job ever and look back on this day and think what a dolt I was all nay-saying my livelihood and such.

So there you have it. Thats what’s been on my mind lately. I’m scared that FMD will find her ideal job, that we’ll find an ideal home (with a less than ideal mortgage), and start your run of the mill ideal family. Only thing is, I don’t know where my place going to be in all of it. I’m having a little trouble seeing things that far ahead right now…